How rude!

At lunch today, a few friends--mostly seniors--and I were discussing how awful when small chat comes to the most dreaded question: "What are you doing after graduation?" I hate that question right now because, quite honestly, who knows? Really, please raise your hand if you've got it all figured out. If you raised your hand and it's two, five, or seven years more school, do you have a guarantee about what's after that? Yeah, that's what I thought. Put it down.

My friend Meredith was talking about how unbearable it is when the people who just graduated ask this abominable question and I concur wholeheartedly. That might be the most painful of all. Underclassmen have no idea what it's like so they're excused, but if you've recently lived through the anxiety of making plans and know what I call the senior scramble, don't ask me what I'm doing because you have nothing else to say or you're trying to be polite. I don't mind if you preface it with some apology about how rough things are now, and then ask if I have any leads. That's tactful and kind. But pah-leeze! It's hard enough being hounded by real adults and the evil voice in my head that I can't escape. I don't need your reminder of my deepest insecurities, thank you.

I was having this discussion with one of my Italian friends named Filippo last week. I was updating him about some new developments in my short-term life plan (which takes me out to about 2017) but told him that of course everything is subject to change. Filippo showered me with admiration, but I assured him that it wasn't anything to cheer about. These are all just ideas that aren't realized yet and that because I'm force to think about my plans, I feel like have to come up with something to say. On that day alone I had already been asked three times what I was doing with my life. And that's not even a bad day as the count can get up to nine or ten in just 24 hours! He explained to me about how that's a big cultural difference. Since it's not unusual there for young people to not have plans, he enlightened me, people don't even ask. I knew I need to be in Italy!

But it made me think: if no one really has defined plans, why are we always asking about it here? People seem to understand that in this economic climate and with the changing expectations of ages (mainly when most people marry and start a family) that people should have some time to figure things out. My thesis is all about emerging adults developing their identity (shameless plug: Come see my presentation on Celebrating Student Achievement Day!) and how that takes time. Gone are the days of working at one place and leaving decades later with a comfortable pension! It's a rough job market out there. We don't want to be stuck in anything we absolutely hate. Granted none of us are going to find our dream jobs right out of college, but give us a chance to figure out who we are first. Let's have some adventures and turn those experiences into a productive life.