They say when it rains, it pours...

If that's the case, I'm in the middle of a quarter-life monsoon. Things are adding up and, in contrast with my last post, it's getting difficult to just be and to stay positive about everything. Yes, I'm unemployed, which is a doozy, but then there's more.

The most recent tragedy issue of my life that caused me to have a break down I'm trying to deal with responsibly is a car wreck. My poor Sonny! It seems that it just won't be worth the investment to repair him which feels like I'm mourning the loss of a friend. And as a result, I've been car shopping (which is just a big pain) and generally trying to decide what the best move is to make. There are plenty of questions to mull over: What if I get a job and move to a city where there's no need for a car? What if I get the Fulbright and am back in Italy in a few months? Super inconvenient timing to be dealing with this stuff, but I'm told that's what you find under the definition of "life" in the Dictionary of Hard Knocks.

And then there's other issues of my luck: I found a great 2008 car with good gas economy, low mileage, and awesome crash ratings at a decent price. It even had satellite radio, auxiliary for your iPod, and some thing so you could sync up your phone contacts...but it didn't have cruise control! Sorry, Mr. Sleazy Salesman, but I won't be going backwards in time.

And as if I didn't have enough inquiry and uncertainty, there are all kinds of personal questions floating around: What can I do to make my situation better? How can I behave to be sure that I stand by my ideals? Am I even growing up? I feel a bit out of control here which occasionally leads to spouts of hopelessness. People are growing and doing things and I feel stuck in the mud. I know this state is temporary, but this transition from where I was to where I'm going is far from easy. Like I said, I never expected it all to fall into place, but...something?...anything?!?

With my luck, it'll all come too quickly and I won't know what to do. Typical. But for now I've adopted a new - hopefully temporary - perspective which I like to call "positive pessimism." And the meaning? Expect everything to go wrong (because it will)...and then just stay positive anyway. It's my umbrella in these stormy conditions. To clear skies and better news - CHEERS!