Well, it's done.

I feel like there should have been a parade or a party or something. Of course, I'm talking about booking my ticket to Italy. I put in the big bucks, choosing the best price I could find in the worst possible season to travel abroad. But it's done and I leave in under 5 weeks.

(oh.

my.

goodness.

F.I.V.E.W.E.E.K.S.

wowzah.)

...Um, sorry about that freakout. But back to what I was saying, I feel like there should have been something to mark the occasion, but instead I was laying on the couch, watching America's Got Talent sporting my Fightin' Irish sweatshirt and Marvel Comic's boxers. (I guess I can't expect everyone else to get all dressed up if I won't either.)

A good friend of mine once told me that moments like these are just a part of the celebration of life. These "small moments" lead into big celebrations later on when there are real things to celebrate...like: a Fulbright grant? a competitive fellowship? all kinds of adventures I can't yet fathom?

So here's to the future celebrations of all shapes, sizes, and kinds!

J-E-L-L-O.

I've had a tough time motivating myself recently. Coming out of a structured setting has been difficult for me. The relaxation has been nice, but I really have this inner desire to accomplish. To actually produce something. I cross things off of my daily list (although, I never seem to find enough drive to complete the whole thing), but I really haven't done satisfactory things. I still feel unsettled. But now that I've got some big things coming, so I need to really focus in on the small steps to get me all ready for the end goals.

First off, I've officially registered for the GRE. This test is a big deal and I feel like I've been preparing forever...but at the same time slacking off. I've got to get in the right gear because, above all, I can't afford to take it too many times! It's $160 (!?!) for a standardized test that's required to get into graduate school. People, that's what I like to call racketeering!

And secondly, it's not all worked out yet (isn't that the point of this post???), but I'm really doing it. I'm going back to Italy. There are so, so, so many things to get in order, despite my decision to leave so many things ... unformed, up in the air, questionable. But in case you didn't catch my tone, I don't take guesses. I have an air of spontaneity, but my perfume is usually pretty solid. I don't quite set things in stone, I'm more of a gelatin maker.

Read: I have no choice that life didn't give me a map and something I'm still accepting is that the year will remain inchoate until...it's not. I'm not sure when I'll make my way out of the nebulous cloud form I'm living in, or if I'll even decipher a distinct shape until I've moved on, but I'm doing what I can. So for now, it's one step at a time. And when that idiom comes to mind, I always makes me think of the song below. Too appropriate to pass up. :)

"I used to talk / With honest conviction / Of how I predicted my world"