Running around much busier than normal, I stopped by the mailbox. There was a big envelope and I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be cool if that was for me?" I slid it out from under the other mail and saw my name on the label. The seal looked familiar. I squatted in the middle of the driveway, dropped the pile on the ground, and tore up the envelope.
"Dear Ms. Cibelli,
On behalf of the J. William Fulbright Scholarship Board, I am pleased to congratulate you on your selection for a Fulbright award to Italy."
Since then, I've been through a few stages of emotional extremes. Shock came first. It might not go away. There I was sitting like a frog in the middle of my driveway all alone and I cried a little. I had done the inconceivable. And after I was just getting excited about moving to Washington! I've been told a few times that it didn't seem like I was very excited, but in the last year this grant's been a lot of things to me, mostly circling around frustration. Leave Italy or stay? Get a real job or don't? Move to Washington or don't? And at the end I just waited...and waited...and waited. It was kind of a miserable existance but left a lot of time for good reflection, so it couldn't have been too bad, huh?
Next came the grateful stage. I couldn't help but reflect on how I got into this position as I told only a handful of people at first. The opportunity to be a grantee didn't just happen. I got a lot of help to get there. Mostly, it's impossible to express just how indebted I am to my parents. They took some hard sacrifices over the years to ensure that I was in the best educational setting for my holistic growth. There are also not many parents out there that will tell you to do what makes you happy and back you up when you tell them you're buying a one-way ticket to move to Europe. Then, of course, I can draw a timeline for you of all the most meaningful conversations with teachers, professors, mentors, and friends, who were behind the exposure to certain ideas, linking them together, and the fact the application was actually completed. I'll never be over that.
The third stage was being overwhelmed. Until recently, I've pretty much been in hiding because the news became bigger than me or what I could deal with at any given moment. I like to do big things, but I find recognition to be an awkward experience. Don't get me wrong, I've sincerely appreciated the well wishes and being chosen as a grantee is the highest honor I could imagine for myself at this point, but it's simply humbling. It became hard to swallow that so many people were proud of me. So thank you all. Know that I could never articulate just how much I appreciate the support.
But today, I officially got my medical clearance and an email with all the names of the other grantees, tips on finding real estate, and LOTS MORE paperwork for me to do. So I can officially say that I'm excited. I'm moving to Florence for, more or less, a year and I'll be doing research I'm passionate about pursuing. I'll be learning and growing in so many domains. And I'll finally be busy with a purpose! And not just any purpose--I'll be doing the one thing I dreamed about doing for several years.
All that makes me think about one of my brother's favorite quotations: "The greatest pleasures in life is doing what people say you cannot do" - Walter Bagehot. I admitted before that applying for the Fulbright was the first thing I did despite some unconvincing counsel. If I'm honest, it's also the first thing I didn't think I could do. There were several times throughout the process that I was practically pushed by others to get it done because I didn't believe in my capabilities or the odds or whatever it was at the moment. So to that I say, tenacity is a virture to hold dear. Work hard. Sometimes dreams do come true.
